$14.43

This baby thing is already getting way out of hand! Already, on day two, it's inspired me to go to the gym and focus on eating smaller portions and healthier options. Maybe this is all just one big trick for myself to lose those last few pounds since nothing else is working. Really, if only I could lose 7 more pounds, then I'd be just out of the "obese" category on the very warped BMI index. Can I do that in two months? Is that really too much to ask of myself? I think so.

So today's baby adventure began at Barnes and Nobles. Again, I think I tricked myself into going there so I'd be close to the gym and have no excuse not to work out. I wanted to find a good read for myself about what to do before you have a baby, despite the fact that I don't read books. I guess I suddenly felt inspired to be a "book reader" again. When I pulled into the parking lot, I felt sick and almost turned right around. Since when did going into a Barnes and Nobles strike fear in people?? It's not like it was a maternity ward at the hospital or a Lamaze class. It was a bookstore!! I parked the car, took a deep breath, and headed in. I decided I was going to be the "casual browser" customer when I went in, mainly because I had no idea where the pregnancy books were in the two-level store and I didn't intend on asking either! So, I casually browsed the entire store for about 30 minutes before I started getting frustrated. After a sweep around the store, I went back to the "Love and Sex" section, the only section that seemed semi-related to pregnancy... could they be mixed in here somewhere? I had to give it a closer look. No... my husband is not cheating on me. No... we don't need to put the spark back in our marriage. No... I don't wonder why that he's dating "that stupid bitch." Oh lord... I hope no one can see me. No pregnancy books here!

This was enough. I was leaving, minus a baby book. As I was heading for the escalator to go down and out, I saw one of the little computer kiosk book look-up stations. Eureka! I rushed over and typed in the title of the specific book I'd heard about: "What to Expect When You're Expecting." It was in stock! It even showed me a little map of where the section was located. How could I have missed it? I glanced over my shoulder to see that the map was pointing me right across from the escalators to the giant, overly colorful, cartoon-character infested children's section. Great. Very inconspicuous.

I decided to suck it up and go with the "that's right, I'm looking at pregnancy books" attitude. That is, all until the salesgirl who had been asking to help me for the past 30 minutes thought she should ask me one... more... time. "Can I help you find anything?" "NO!! Go away!!" my mind was saying. "No, I'm good, thanks," I said in a tone that indicated that I was a professional baby book purchaser.

I wanted to buy every book, of course. That's how I roll when it comes to shopping. There were cute little journals to mark every step of your pregnancy, and "The Belly Book." I want it! I want it now! But wait... I wasn't even pregnant yet. Okay, I'll wait on that for a little while, I told myself. Finally, I ended up just leaving with what I came for - "What to Expect When You're Expecting." It has a few introductory chapters that relate to preconception, so I thought those would give me something to read for now.

So, it was time for the next difficult step - checking out at the cash register without having to have a baby conversation with the cashier. Why doesn't Barnes and Nobles have the self-checkout lane like at the grocery? I guess a baby book wasn't as bad as purchasing the "that stupid bitch" book. I hid the cover as I waited in the line. I stepped up to the cashier to pay and all was going really well until she asked, "Are you a Barnes and Nobles member?" Technically no, but I always use my Dad's phone number to get his discount. But I'd already thought this through... I don't want to use the discount because what if he can see my purchases?? "Umm... umm... yes, can I give you the phone number?" Drats... too late, the words slipped out of my mouth. Whew... in the clear. Then she says, "Do you need a gift receipt?" "Um, no thanks," I responded. And then the worst thing she could say... "Oh, this is for you? Congratulations!!" No, no, no, no, no... "No, not yet," I assured her. Then she goes on to tell me about how she bought the book "What to Expect Before You're Expecting" and how she left it on her coffee table and freaked out her husband. She could show me where that book is too if I wanted! "No, thanks. I think this will be enough for now."

"14.43 is your total." There it was... my shopping addiction meets baby (aka. my new reason to shop). Start the running total - $14.43 towards a baby. This is going to add up quickly. I've made my first baby purchase. This is scary. But it's exciting too. I'm not sure how to feel about it. But I'm looking forward to telling my husband all about my adventure when he gets home.