Round Two, Strike Two?

I've moved forward from our failure last month and am focused on August being my lucky month. Last month was too soon anyway. This time, we'll definitely get it. My montly reminder came with a flurry, as if I needed reminded again that I wasn't pregnant. We decided last month we didn't "try" hard enough. I think we timed it all wrong. This time, we're super serious. Because, believe it or not, we now really WANT a baby! It's amazing how quickly your whole frame of mind can change. But we're both in this together and can't wait to be pregnant! I think we made a noble effort this month. But, I'm getting this strange feeling that once again, we've been unsuccessful. The big "O" day should have been 3 days ago, but I really have no confirmation this time as to whether it was or wasn't. And, now the more I'm researching I'm finding that this month we were timing it wrong and last month timed it all RIGHT. That's a bummer. This may end up being strike two.

However, one glimmer of hope... I've had a cramping sensation in my lower left abdomen for the past two days. Similar to the "O" day sensation, only at times a tad bit more intense. Could it be sperm meeting egg, a late "O" day, or last night's dinner? Hopefully we will have the exciting conclusion in about a week.

P.S. A Woodchuck Cider was enjoyed this past month, and coming up with an awkward excuse not to drink it was avoided thanks to the one little pink line!

It's a "No"

With the fear of the DHA pill nausea behind me (never made me sick, only makes me burp out fish flavor all day long!), we stuck to the plan of "trying" to get pregnant these past few weeks. I feel like I have become some kind of mad scientist with all the calculations, measurements, and observations I've performed on myself. I think I have my ovulation predicted down to the precise minute. And, I could swear this month I knew the exact moment when I did ovulate. And I was perfect... right according to schedule. The next few days after the "O" day (as we'll call it), I woke up each morning with a little nausea that quickly passed. Was this a good sign? Four or five days later the feeling was gone and I had a deep, sinking feeling that I was NOT preggers. Adam seemed to have that feeling too. I read post after post online about people who say they have NO way of telling if they're pregnant for the first few weeks. So, I started holding out some hope. Maybe I would be surprised! Then, when I just couldn't wait anymore, I declared that I was ready to try the home pregnancy test, knowing it wasn't likely to be positive. And, that I was pushing it testing myself 5 days before my expected monthly reminder. But, I just had to know, so I could stop stressing about it for a few weeks. So, I took the test (never thought I'd be peeing in a cup in my own household). I had my speech-timer watch handy (we had to be 100% precise, you know!) and we waited the quick two minutes and went to take a look at the pink lines together. One line... one line... that was it. No second line. Epic fail! Better luck next time! I felt like I just got voted off "American Idol." But not so much of a let-down like top 5 of "Idol," more like a top 24 let-down. Okay, we'll get 'em next time team! Well, at least now I can have that one last alcoholic beverage and dip in the hot tub!

Getting Hooked Up to Get Knocked Up

The big appointment was today. As I was sitting in my doctor's office, I noticed baby posters everywhere, as if to mock me. "Waaaaaaaaa... waaaaaaaa... waaaaaaaaa..." is what they said. I think my brain just rattled in my head at the imaginary sound of a baby wailing. When I had signed in for my appointment, I was told I had some sort of "credit" and had no co-pay for the day. So, in my mind I began rationalizing: Just hear what she has to say, change your mind about having a baby, and start taking your birth control pills again tomorrow - the appointment today is "free." No harm, no foul.

But, after talking to the nurse and the doctor, I now... want to make a baby! They were treating me like this was such an exciting time for me. (Is it?) The doctor never mentioned that I was too overweight to conceive (down 4 pounds from my exam last November!! Woot woot!). It may have helped that I "wowed" them with my feat of running a half marathon in May. So, I'm obviously in good cardiovascular shape, and that's what's important. :)

My doctor beamed when I asked if she'd be my doctor and deliver the baby. I'm sure she gets asked this at least 3 times a day. But, that got me excited, too. And, even better, she said she goes to Riverside or St. Ann's. St. Ann's, St. Ann's... isn't that a Mt. Carmel hospital? A Mt. Carmel Little Miracles Program hospital? THE Little Miracles Program that has radio commercials that made me want to have a baby long before I really wanted to have a baby? Note to self: First order of business when I get home - check on St. Ann's. (Reader's Note: Yes, it is THE Mt. Carmel St. Ann's and I've already taken a virtual tour of the maternity ward.) This information alone has me *stoked*!

Then, it was like Christmas morning with the free gifts to help me out. She gave me a copy of "Conception" magazine, which I already read most of in the past hour, 3 packs of samples of new pre-natal vitamins with DHA, and a prescription for 9 months of vitamins. Supposedly, DHA is like the coolest thing since sliced bread. Everyone's taking it. Now I have two giant vitamin pills that look a little intimidating. The potential nausea from the new vitamins during my 12-hour work day tomorrow will be just splendid.

Also, in the "Conception" magazine, I found an ad for "The Knot's" version of a baby page, called "The Bump." Already, I'm addicted. And, one of the tools on there that I found helpful, yet surprising was the Due Date Calculator. If we were to get preggers on the first try, I'd be due April 18th. Wow, I was thinking June. But, I'd love to have a May baby. Maybe I'd be a few weeks late... Funny, just three weeks ago we decided to start trying for a baby "in a few months." Why am I so eager to start now? April doesn't seem that far away...

My Monthly Reminder

Wow, how time flies when you're thinking about babies!! It seems like it was one big rush to do everything, then suddenly I forgot all about the interest in having a baby. Must've been my hormones at the time... Right after making my doctor's appointment, Adam and I rushed out to buy some "temporary" pre-natal vitamins, so I could start getting some nutrients. I wasn't nervous asking the pharmacist at Meijer's for advice, maybe because I had my husband shopping with me, so it looked more like a committed, conscious decision we were making, vs. me shopping at the bookstore for baby books, during the day, by my lonesome.

I was to the point several weeks ago, where I thought a moment of my day would not go by where I WASN'T thinking about having a baby. But, alas, it did. And that's why I have nothing much to say about the last two weeks. However, yesterday, I was given a nice reminder of the decision I made to go off of the pill. My monthly reminder paid me a visit, hormones, bloat, cramps, and all, and reminded me what it was like to be a teenager again. Uggghhhh.... owwww... I'm popping Advil like it's my job. I just want to lay in bed with a heating pad on my abdomen all day!! How easily I wiped those pains from my mind while taking the pill for the last seven or so years. Well, maybe if I play my cards right I won't have that reminder again for another 9 months. :)

Either way, it's time to get back into baby-decision mode, because by looking at the calendar I can see that tomorrow is July 14th. D-Day... as in "Doctor Day." This is where she will tell me I'm too fat to have a kid and tells me to wait a few more months before trying since my hormones are still out of whack. Hmpf! Can't wait for that news! Currently, I'm in the "it's now or never" mood, so hopefully the doctor won't ruin those plans. So, tonight, I'm putting together a list of questions to ask her at the appointment:
- "I can still go on my cruise vacation in the fall? And zipline, ice skate, and kayak, right?"
- "We will be able to conceive on our first try, right?"
- "This is easier than it sounds, right?"
You know... all the important questions. I will soon find out. I'm sure the reality is that the bloat, cramps, and general icki-ness that I feel today can't hold a candle to what the next 9+ months has in store for me.

July 14th

It is still only day two and since Adam was so gung-ho yesterday about doing what I asked him to do (looking up our insurance policy), I decided I would make the preconception doctor's appointment, as I said I would, just to make sure everything was in good working order.

Now, I'll be honest. I'm not sure most women do all this planning. But then again, I'd be willing to bet that many pregnancies are not planned at all! I am a super over-planner. I love organization and order. Therefore, having a baby must be planned, predictable, and by the book. I always worried I'd have a baby unplanned, before we were ready. But, I made it this far without an "accident." So, now this is my opportunity to start something brand new, from scratch, with a clean slate.

According to "What to Expect When You're Expecting," I was to make a preconception appointment with my OB-GYN. Oh, how I always love calling their office. They are always so successful in making me feel dumb. Today was no exception. I had to call and leave a message. It said they would respond before the end of the business day. I waited and waited, carrying my phone and calendar with me everywhere (even to the aforementioned gym). No call. Finally, after 4:00pm, they returned my call. Somehow, amazingly, the doctor could get me in July 14th! Wow! I was expecting she would be booked until 2012, which would have been the case if I was calling to schedule my annual exam. Still, July 14th wasn't as soon as I would have liked, but I had to take what I could get.

I asked if there were some vitamins I should start taking, but the nurse told me I will get samples when I come in. But, I don't want to wait a month to start taking them. I was hoping to start trying for a baby after mid-July. She said I should call my insurance provider to see what types of vitamins they cover because some can be over $150 a month! What??? Why do I have to be so plan-ful? It would be cheaper and easier to just wing it! Okay, I told her, I'd do my research.

So, now I will wait and look forward to that day. It's only 3 weeks from tomorrow. That's the day when this "Let's have a baby!" game will end and the reality of "Oh wow, we're going to have a baby" will set in. But, until then, I will feel satisfied with my over-planning because as my father-in-law says, "The outcome of your project is determined by the quality of your planning." Let's hope this works as well for babies as it does for floor tiling projects.

$14.43

This baby thing is already getting way out of hand! Already, on day two, it's inspired me to go to the gym and focus on eating smaller portions and healthier options. Maybe this is all just one big trick for myself to lose those last few pounds since nothing else is working. Really, if only I could lose 7 more pounds, then I'd be just out of the "obese" category on the very warped BMI index. Can I do that in two months? Is that really too much to ask of myself? I think so.

So today's baby adventure began at Barnes and Nobles. Again, I think I tricked myself into going there so I'd be close to the gym and have no excuse not to work out. I wanted to find a good read for myself about what to do before you have a baby, despite the fact that I don't read books. I guess I suddenly felt inspired to be a "book reader" again. When I pulled into the parking lot, I felt sick and almost turned right around. Since when did going into a Barnes and Nobles strike fear in people?? It's not like it was a maternity ward at the hospital or a Lamaze class. It was a bookstore!! I parked the car, took a deep breath, and headed in. I decided I was going to be the "casual browser" customer when I went in, mainly because I had no idea where the pregnancy books were in the two-level store and I didn't intend on asking either! So, I casually browsed the entire store for about 30 minutes before I started getting frustrated. After a sweep around the store, I went back to the "Love and Sex" section, the only section that seemed semi-related to pregnancy... could they be mixed in here somewhere? I had to give it a closer look. No... my husband is not cheating on me. No... we don't need to put the spark back in our marriage. No... I don't wonder why that he's dating "that stupid bitch." Oh lord... I hope no one can see me. No pregnancy books here!

This was enough. I was leaving, minus a baby book. As I was heading for the escalator to go down and out, I saw one of the little computer kiosk book look-up stations. Eureka! I rushed over and typed in the title of the specific book I'd heard about: "What to Expect When You're Expecting." It was in stock! It even showed me a little map of where the section was located. How could I have missed it? I glanced over my shoulder to see that the map was pointing me right across from the escalators to the giant, overly colorful, cartoon-character infested children's section. Great. Very inconspicuous.

I decided to suck it up and go with the "that's right, I'm looking at pregnancy books" attitude. That is, all until the salesgirl who had been asking to help me for the past 30 minutes thought she should ask me one... more... time. "Can I help you find anything?" "NO!! Go away!!" my mind was saying. "No, I'm good, thanks," I said in a tone that indicated that I was a professional baby book purchaser.

I wanted to buy every book, of course. That's how I roll when it comes to shopping. There were cute little journals to mark every step of your pregnancy, and "The Belly Book." I want it! I want it now! But wait... I wasn't even pregnant yet. Okay, I'll wait on that for a little while, I told myself. Finally, I ended up just leaving with what I came for - "What to Expect When You're Expecting." It has a few introductory chapters that relate to preconception, so I thought those would give me something to read for now.

So, it was time for the next difficult step - checking out at the cash register without having to have a baby conversation with the cashier. Why doesn't Barnes and Nobles have the self-checkout lane like at the grocery? I guess a baby book wasn't as bad as purchasing the "that stupid bitch" book. I hid the cover as I waited in the line. I stepped up to the cashier to pay and all was going really well until she asked, "Are you a Barnes and Nobles member?" Technically no, but I always use my Dad's phone number to get his discount. But I'd already thought this through... I don't want to use the discount because what if he can see my purchases?? "Umm... umm... yes, can I give you the phone number?" Drats... too late, the words slipped out of my mouth. Whew... in the clear. Then she says, "Do you need a gift receipt?" "Um, no thanks," I responded. And then the worst thing she could say... "Oh, this is for you? Congratulations!!" No, no, no, no, no... "No, not yet," I assured her. Then she goes on to tell me about how she bought the book "What to Expect Before You're Expecting" and how she left it on her coffee table and freaked out her husband. She could show me where that book is too if I wanted! "No, thanks. I think this will be enough for now."

"14.43 is your total." There it was... my shopping addiction meets baby (aka. my new reason to shop). Start the running total - $14.43 towards a baby. This is going to add up quickly. I've made my first baby purchase. This is scary. But it's exciting too. I'm not sure how to feel about it. But I'm looking forward to telling my husband all about my adventure when he gets home.

Day One

We just made the biggest decision of our lives. All in the matter of about a 2-minute conversation, we decided it was time to take the plunge as all of our other friends were beginning to do, and have children. The conversation went something like this:
Me: "So... question of the night... should I start my new pack of pills?"
Adam's response: "YES."
Me: "Really? Do you want to have a baby sometime?"
Adam: "Okay then don't start them." And, there it was, our decision.

So, today, I am pill free! I reminded him that it didn't mean that we had to start trying NOW. It just meant we were in the preparation stages. I think we're more ready now than ever, though. Most of my "criteria" have been met: saving up money, timing it as to not interrupt my wedding photography season, remodeling our house, and achieving half of my losing weight goal (which will never be fully accomplished anyway). And all of his "criteria" have been met: being a wild college-aged guy who could do whatever he wanted. He said he's over that phase of his life. His other criteria is that he wouldn't be old and die by the time the kid's 15 year old. So, therefore, that actually reinforced the need to start planning sooner!

So, here we are. I've had baby on the brain ALL day. Everything I do makes me think of babies. I'm one of those instant gratification-type people, so it's challenging to think in maybe a few months we will start "trying" to have a baby, then we have to wait at least 9 more months to have one. What if I just want one NOW!? I may change my mind a year from now!!

So, after thinking about babies at work all day, and receiving several baby-related e-mails from Adam (i.e. rules for traveling on cruise ships while pregnant and our insurance coverage for maternity care and children), I think we're going to go forward with this plan.

So, if you're reading this blog right now it's either 1) because you stumbled across it on the web, or 2) late fall or almost winter 2010 and we've announced that we're having a baby and would like you to follow along on our journey, or 3) sooner than that because we're not as good at keeping a secret as we'd like to plan to be. In the case of any of the three scenarios above... Welcome!! :)

This is how you can remember the Harringtons from 2010 and prior. As for 2011, I hope we'll have a new family member in our holiday photos. Preferably, one without fur.